I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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