I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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