Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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