smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Girls should come with a carfax report
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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