i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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