I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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