She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
