Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
