I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
