I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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