I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
