I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
