Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
