Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
