break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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