Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
