did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
