Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
