Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
