Your face is a jimmy john
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
