Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
