Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
