I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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