Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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