if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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