When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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