what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
