New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
