and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
