Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
