they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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