I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
