all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
