My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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