accomplished twins. life is a go
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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