I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
