God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
