Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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