I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
