Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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