found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
