I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
