he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
