My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
