I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
