she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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