Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
