Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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