yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
