I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
