Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
