Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
