My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
