bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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