how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
