i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
