we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
