Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
